They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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