idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
