Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
