hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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