I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
worst night to have a conscience
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
