Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
They are going to name an STD after you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
