Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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