So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
