I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
