he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
