Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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