Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
