bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
