Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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