Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it glows. i had to have it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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