I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
