yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
not ubering you a puppy
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