I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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