Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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