You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
