True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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