At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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