I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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