i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
