Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
