I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
