Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
