Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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