i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
