I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
