fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
