I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
