dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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