xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
