I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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