drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
