just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
