Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
