I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
