How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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