She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
