i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
