farters have to be the big spoon...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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