i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
