if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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