sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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