He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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