I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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