my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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