I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
