You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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