Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
