I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
