I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
