smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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