i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
