it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
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