Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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