taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
