I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
