If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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