I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
