can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?