I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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