hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
