question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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