That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
