I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
