I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
