I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
