my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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