I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
